Compulsory English Grade 12 Unit 14 Human Rights Exercises || I Am Sorry The Hardest Three Words to Say || Desmond Tutu

 

Compulsory English Grade 12 Unit 14 Human Rights Exercises || I Am Sorry The Hardest Three Words to Say || Desmond Tutu 

"I am Sorry"-The Hardest Three Words to Say

Desmond Tutu

(7 oct 1931-26 Dec 2021)

 

The text "I am Sorry"-The Hardest Three Words to Say is extracted from "The Book of Forgiving" written by Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu. He is a South African Anglican bishop and theologian. He is known as an anti-apartheid and human right activist.

 

There were so many nights when I, as a young boy, had to watch helplessly as my father verbally and physically abused my mother. I can still recall the smell of alcohol, see the fear in my mother's eyes and feel the hopeless despair that comes when we see people, we love hurting each other in incomprehensible ways. I would not wish that experience on anyone, especially not a child.

 

If I dwell on those memories, I can feel myself wanting to hurt my father back, in the same ways he hurt my mother, and in ways of which I was incapable as a small boy. I see my mother's face and I see this gentle human being whom I loved so very much and who did nothing to deserve the pain inflicted on her.

When I recall this story, I realize how difficult the process of forgiving truly is. Intellectually, I know my father caused pain because he himself was in pain. Spiritually, I know my faith tells me my father deserves to be forgiven as God forgives us all. But it is still difficult. The traumas we have witnessed or experienced live on in our memories. Even years later they can cause us fresh pain each time we recall them.

 

If I traded lives with my father, if I had experienced the stresses and pressures my father faced, if I had to bear the burdens he bore, would I have behaved as he did? I do not know. I hope I would have been different, but I do not know.

 

My father has long since died, but if I could speak to him today, I would want to tell him that I had forgiven him. What would I say to him? I would begin by thanking him for all the wonderful things he did for me as my father, but then I would tell him that there was this one thing that hurt me very much. I would tell him how what he did to my mother affected me, how it pained me.

 

Perhaps he would hear me out; perhaps he would not. But still, I would forgive him.

 

Why would I do such a thing? (Forgive to his father) I know it is the only way to heal the pain in my boyhood heart -afNosfnsf] d'6'sf] lk8f_. Forgiveness is not dependent on the actions of others -Ifdf c?sf] sfo{df lge{/ x'Fb}g ._. Yes, it is certainly easier to offer forgiveness when the perpetrator -ck/fwL_ expresses remorse -kZrftfk_ and offers some sort of reparation-Ifltk"lt{_ or restitution-Ifltk"lt{ k|:tfj ubf{_. Then, you can feel as if you have been paid back in some way. You can say: "I am willing to forgive you for stealing my pen, and after you give me my pen back, I shall forgive you." -d]/f] snd rf]/]sf]df d tkfO{nfO{ dfkm ug{ tof/ 5' / tkfO{n] dnfO{ d]/f] snd lkmtf{ lbPkl5 d tkfO{nfO{ Ifdf ug]{ 5' _This is the most familiar pattern of forgiveness. We don't forgive to help the other person. We don't forgive for others. We forgive for ourselves. Forgiveness, in other words, is the best form of self-interest -cfTdlxt_.

 

Forgiveness takes practice, honesty, open-mindedness -v'Nnf lbdfu_  and a willingness (even if it is a weary willingness-ylst OR5f_) to try. It isn't easy. Perhaps you have already tried to forgive someone and just couldn't do it. Perhaps you have forgiven and the person did not show remorse or change his or her behavior or own up -:jfldTj_ to his or her offences -ck/fw_ – and you find yourself unforgiving all over again. It is perfectly normal to want to hurt back when you have been hurt. But hurting back rarely satisfies. We think it will, but it doesn't. If I slap you after you slap me, it does not lessen the sting I feel on my own face, nor does it diminish my sadness over the fact that you have struck me. Retaliation -k|ltzf]w_ gives, at best, only momentary respite -/fxt_ from our pain. The only way to experience healing and peace is to forgive. Until we can forgive, we remain locked in our pain and locked out of the possibility of experiencing healing and freedom, locked out of the possibility of being at peace.

 

As a father myself, raising children has sometimes felt like training for a forgiveness marathon. Like other parents, my wife, Leah, and I could create a whole catalogue of the failures and irritations our children have served up. As infants, their loud squalls -rsf]{ cfjfh_   disturbed our slumber. Even as one or the other of us stumbled out of bed, the irritation at being woken and the thoughts of the fatigue that would lie like a pall over the coming day gave way to the simple acknowledgment that this was a baby. This is what babies do. The loving parent slides easily into the place of acceptance, even gratitude, for the helpless bundle of tears. Toddler tantrums -cfsf]{z_  might provoke an answering anger in a mother or father, but it will be quickly replaced by the understanding that a little person does not yet have the language to express the flood of feelings contained in his or her body. Acceptance comes.

 

As our own children grew, they found new (and remarkably creative) ways of testing our patience, our resolve and our rules and limits. We learned time and again to turn their transgressions -ck/fwx?_  into teaching moments. But mostly we learned to forgive them over and over again, and fold them back into our embrace. We know our children are so much more than the sum of everything they have done wrong. Their stories are more than rehearsals of their repeated need for forgiveness. We know that even the things they did wrong were opportunities for us to teach them to be citizens of the world. We have been able to forgive them because we have known their humanity. We have seen the good in them.

 

In the 1960s, South Africa was in the fierce grip of apartheid. When the Bantu Education system (an apartheid education system, passed in 1953) of inferior education for black children was instituted by the government, Leah and I left the teaching profession in protest. We vowed we would do all in our power to ensure our children were never subjected to the brain-washing that passed for education in South Africa. Instead, we enrolled our children in schools in neighboring Swaziland. Six times each year we made the 3,000-mile drive from Alice in the Eastern Cape to my parents' home in Krugersdorp -s|'u;{8k{_  . After spending the night with them, we would drive five hours to Swaziland, drop off or pick up the children at their schools and drive back to Krugersdorp to rest before the long drive home. There were no hotels or inns that would accommodate black guests at any price.

 

During one of those trips, my father said he wanted to talk. I was exhausted. We were halfway home and had driven 10 hours to drop the children at school. Sleep beckoned -;'Tg] ;+s]t_. We still had another 15-hour drive back to our home in Alice. Driving through the Karoo – that vast expanse of semi-desert in the middle of South Africa – was always trying. I told my father I was tired and had a headache. "We'll talk tomorrow, in the morning," I said. We headed to Leah's mother's home half an hour away. The next morning, my niece came to wake us with the news: my father was dead.

 

I was grief-stricken -zf]sfs'n_. I loved my father very much and while his temper pained me greatly, there was so much about him that was loving, wise and witty. And then there was the guilt. With his sudden death I would never be able to hear what he had wanted to say. Was there some great stone on his heart that he had wanted to remove? Might he have wanted to apologize for the abuse he had inflicted on my mother when I was a boy? I will never know. It has taken me many, many years to forgive myself for my insensitivity, for not honoring my father one last time with the few moments he wanted to share with me. Honestly, the guilt still stings.

 

When I reflect back across the years to his drunken tirades, I realize now that it was not just with him that I was angry. I was angry with myself. Cowering (feared) in fear as a boy, I had not been able to stand up to my father or protect my mother. So many years later, I realize that I not only have to forgive my father, I have to forgive myself.

 

A human life is a great mixture of goodness, beauty, cruelty, heartbreak, indifference, love and so much more. All of us share the core qualities of our human nature and so sometimes we are generous and sometimes selfish. Sometimes we are thoughtful and other times thoughtless; sometimes we are kind and sometimes cruel. This is not a belief. This is a fact.

 

No one is born a liar or a rapist or a terrorist. No one is born full of hatred. No one is born full of violence. No one is born in any less glory or goodness than you or me. But on any given day, in any given situation, in any painful life experience, this glory and goodness can be forgotten, obscured or lost. We can easily be hurt and broken, and it is good to remember that we can just as easily be the ones who have done the hurting and the breaking.

 

The simple truth is, we all make mistakes, and we all need forgiveness. There is no magic wand we can wave to go back in time and change what has happened or undo the harm that has been done, but we can do everything in our power to set right what has been made wrong. We can endeavor to make sure the harm never happens again.

 

There are times when all of us have been thoughtless, selfish or cruel. But no act is unforgivable; no person is beyond redemption. Yet, it is not easy to admit one's wrongdoing and ask for forgiveness. "I am sorry" are perhaps the three hardest words to say. We can come up with all manner of justifications to excuse what we have done. When we are willing to let down our defenses and look honestly at our actions, we find there is a great freedom in asking for forgiveness and great strength in admitting the wrong. It is how we free ourselves from our past errors. It is how we are able to move forward into our future, unfettered -lgbf]{if eP/_ by the mistakes we have made.

 

Before you read:

a. Who is Desmond Tutu? What do you know about him?

Ans:- Desmond Tutu is a South African Anglican bishop and theologian. He is known as an anti-apartheid and human right activist.

 

b. What do you understand by apartheid policy?

Ans:-  Apartheid policy is a policy of racial, political and economic segregation of nonwhite majority by white minority in the Republic of South Africa.

 

c. Is forgiveness possible is all cases? If not, what kinds of cases can not be forgiven?

Ans:- Forgiveness helps to overcome feelings of anger, bitterness, and revenge. But I don't think forgiveness is not possible in all cases. It is possible only in excusable crimes or errors. Crimes such as murder, sexual abuse, intentionally committed crimes are not excusable. If such crimes are forgiven, the rate of murder, sexual abuse and intentional crimes rates go high.

 

Working with Words:

A. Pair the following words as opposites.

Despair        -hope

kind               - cruel

Fresh             - stale

Strange        - Familiar

normal         - eccentric

Fierce            - gentle

Corrupt        - honest

Selfish           - Generous

 

B. By adding a suitable suffix to each word in the table, form another word as in the examples below.

Examples: willing-willingness; heart-hearty; strength-strengthen

Into noun	into adjective	into verb
open-minded- open-mindedness accommodate-accommodation rehearse-rehearsal transgress-transgression angry-anger mix-mixture	pain- painful differ-different behave-behavior remark-remarkable indifferent-indifference thought-thoughtful	less - lessen sure - ensure real - realize glory- glorify power- powering/powers prison- prisoning/prisoned

 

C. Pronounce the following words with the help of a dictionary.

Viewer /ˈvjuːə/ sure /ʃɔː,ʃʊə/ cure  /kjʊə,kjɔː/ fluent /ˈfluːənt/ poor /pɔː,pʊə/ affluence /ˈaflʊəns/ flower /ˈflaʊə/ curious /ˈkjʊərɪəs/ tourist /ˈtʊərɪst/ allowance /əˈlaʊəns/ usual /ˈjuːʒʊəl/ intellectual /ˌɪntəˈlɛktʃʊəl/ visual /ˈvɪʒ(j)ʊəl,ˈvɪzjʊəl/ mature /məˈtʃʊə/ endure /ɪnˈdjʊə,ɛnˈdjʊə,ɪnˈdʒɔː,ɛnˈdʒɔː/

join /dʒɔɪn/ coin /kɔɪn/ boy /bɔɪ/ voice /vɔɪs/ noise /nɔɪz/ soil /spɔɪl/ hoist /hɔɪst/ moist /mɔɪst/ avoid /əˈvɔɪd/ toy /tɔɪ/ toilet /ˈtɔɪlɪt/ annoy /əˈnɔɪ/ enjoy /ɪnˈdʒɔɪ,ɛnˈdʒɔɪ/ poison /ˈpɔɪz(ə)n/

 

Comprehension

A. Write True or False after each statement. Give reason for your answer.

a. The author says his father was an ideal person in the family. False (He used to abuse his mother verbally and physically when he was drunk)

b. The author wanted to forgive his father but he did not get an opportunity. False (He got an opportunity because his father wanted to share few moments with him but he ignored his father's wish saying that he would talk back to him the following day, but unfortunately his father died on the following day when he went visit his wife's mother.)

c. It's worth forgiving a person if he/she realizes his/her mistakes. False (It is worth forgiving a person even if he doesn't realize his mistake because forgiveness is not depended on the actions of other)

d. South Africa had dual type of education system in the 1960s. True

e. The author lived in a joint family. False (He lived in a nuclear family because his lived with his wife and two children.)

f. The author regretted for not getting a chance to talk to his father. True

g. According to the author, all our glories and splendors are short lived. True

 

B. Answer the following questions.

a. How does the author remember his family environment when he was a small boy?

Ans:-  His family environment was not good when he was a small child. His father, having alcohol, used to abuse his mother both verbally and physically. He was is hopeless despair to see fear in his mother's eyes. Even he wanted to hurt his father back. He didn't wish to have such an experience as a small boy.

 

b. Why does the author blame system more than his father?

Ans:- The system of segregation or act of apartheid to black people in South Africa was responsible for making his father a cruel person. Belonging to the black community which was dominated by Whites, his father had faced stresses, pressures, burdens and pain which transferred to his mother because anger transfers from one person to another.

 

 

c. How does the principle of forgiveness work?

Ans:- Most people feel easier to offer forgiveness when the perpetrator expresses remorse and offer some sort of reparation or restitution. This is the most familiar pattern of forgiveness. But actually, forgiveness is not infected of any actions of others. It is the way of self healing and obtaining peace and harmony. It releases our pain, brings the state of freedom in our heart and mind.

 

 

d. How does the author interpret the noise, squalls and tantrums of his children?

Ans:- The noise, squalls and tantrums of his children are the ways of testing his/their patience, resolve, rules and limits. He realizes such mistakes or irritations of his children as a result of their innocent behavior. The continuous transgression of his children taught him to forgive them and considered them a chance to teach his children to be citizens of the world. Instead of bursting into anger, by realizing their humanity he became able to forgive them.

e. Why did the author decide to educate his children in Swaziland?

Ans:-  He decided to educate his children in Swaziland because he was dissatisfied with the inferior education as a result of Bantu Education Act of South Africa to black children. The dual education systems prevailed in South Africa forced him to admit his children in a school in neighboring Swaziland.

 

 

f. How does the author define human life?

Ans:-  According to the author, human life is a great mixture of goodness, beauty, cruelty, heartbreak, interference, love and so much more. Sometimes we are generous and sometimes we are selfish, sometimes we are thoughtful and sometimes we are thoughtless, sometimes we are cruel something kind. These are core human qualities which we all share.

 

 

g. According to the author, is it heredity or environment that shapes a man's character? Explain.

Ans:-  The birth of every child is same. By birth, a child is neither a liar, not rapist. It is not born full of hatred or violence. No one is born in any less glory or goodness that us. Hence heredity doesn't shape a man's character. It is our surrounding environment, that shapes out character.   

 

 

h. Why is forgiveness important in our life?

Ans:-  Forgiveness is important in our life because we all make mistakes. It is needed for all. Sometimes we also make mistake and we need forgiveness from other. Hurting back or revenge doesn't satisfy the pain we get by others. It is the way of freeing ourselves from our past errors and moving forward into our future unaffected by the mistakes we made in the past.

 

 

Critical Thinking

a. Desmond Tutu once said, "Forgiving is not forgetting; it is actually remembering-remembering and not using your right to hit back. It's a second chance for a new beginning." Does this quotation apply to this text? Analyze.

Ans:- "Forgiving is not forgetting; it is actually remembering-remembering and not using your right to hit back. It's a second chance for a new beginning." is one of the famous quotes of archbishop Demond Tutu. Forgiveness is the way to release feelings of vengeance toward a person or group who harmed us, not matter they deserve forgiveness or not. It is not to deny seriousness of an offense against us or it doesn't mean forgetting. It is also not excusing offenses. But it helps to repair a damaged relationship. It brings state of peace in our mind and frees us from destructive anger. It erases negative feelings and establishes a chance for a new beginning. Forgiving means an opportunity to perpetrator to correct himself and not forgetting means to take a cautious action for not committing such mistakes. While forgiving, we must learn a lesion from that person or incident. We have to remember that our similar act might hurt others. This quotation is fully applied in the text also. Desmond Tutu remembers the pain his father had given to his mother. He wanted to hurt back his father in his childhood. But later he forgives his father justifying that his father's rude behavior was because of the mistreat of white people to black people in South Africa.  

 

 

b. The author interprets "I am sorry" as three hardest words to say. How does it apply to your life?

Ans:- Humans are imprisoned in their own pride and ego. People lacking sympathy hardly embrace others' feelings. Apology is as important as forgiveness. Both heals our mind but we are not ready to accept this fact. As a matter of pride, fear of being shameful, lack of awareness, sense of superiority, gap in understanding, overwhelming emotion of guild etc. make us hard to breathe the three words "I am sorry".  For me also, the three words "I am sorry" are hardest words to say when I hurt others. Instead to say sorry, I remain aloof to them who have been hurt by me and don't go close to them to talk again. I don't talk and be close to them unless they come to speak to me. I am so much proudly and sensitive person. I easily get hurt by other and feel sad and I wish them to come close to me and say "sorry". But I never realize how much they are affected by my misbehave. I feel very uneasy and difficult to say, "I am sorry."

 

Writing

The author talks about dual education system based on race in South Africa in the second half of the twentieth century. We also have private schools and public schools in Nepal. What should be done to make education equal to all citizens of Nepal? Write a couple of paragraphs expressing your views.

Ans:- Black Education Act, 1953 formerly known as the Bantu Education Act is made for the provision of racially separated education facilities in South Africa  in the second half of 20th Century until 1994. The trivial system of education was due to racial segregation known as Apartheid system. The law was formulated in 1984 which divided the country into four racial groups-White, Black, Indians and Colored. The system of education to black people was discriminatory. The government allocated less fund for this segregate and unequal education system. White schooling was free, compulsory and expanding, in contrast there were insufficient schooling facilities, teachers and educational materials.

 

In our country, dual system of education exists not in terms of gender, color, religion, caste but in terms of economic condition. Two types of schoolings are in practice-private and community. In terms of government funding, it is totally different from the Bantu Education system in South Africa. The schools for black people were not funded by the government, where as community schools in Nepal are funded by government. Local, State or Federal government provide fund for community schools but private schools are generally funded by parents or some donors. Government schools are run under the guidelines of Government, but private schools are free to develop their own curriculum. Teachers need teaching license to teach in public schools but there is not such provision in private schools. Despite the government's investment, the quality of community schools is lower than the private schools. They can provide quality education by following creative and innovative ways. But government schools are run under rules and regulations of the government. Specially people from poor economic background admit their children in community school because education is free. Only rich people can admit their children in expensive private schools. As a result two types of students are produced from such mixed types of schools. To give equal education, there should be a single system of education. Education should be equal to either rich or poor. There should not be biased in education. All children have rights to get equal education. I think all schools should be run by government. There should not be the division of public and private schools. 

 

Grammar

A. Join the following pairs of sentences using when and while

a. Bibha Kumari was doing her homework. The doorbell rang.

i. Bibha Kumari was doing her homework when the doorbell rang.

ii. While Bibha Kumari was doing her homework, the doorbell rang.

 

b. I heard the telephone ring. I picked it up.

When I heard the telephone ring, I picked it up.

 

c. Dil Maya found a thousand rupee note. She was washing her pants.

i. While Dil Maya was washing her pants, she found a thousand rupee note.

ii. Dil Maya was washing her pants when she found a thousand rupee note.

 

d. Tenjing gave his measurements to the dressmaker. He was visiting the market yesterday.

i. When Tenjing gave his measurements to the dressmaker, he was visiting the market yesterday.

ii. While Tenjing was visiting the market, he gave his measurements to the dressmaker.

 

e. I was at the butcher's shop. I met Harikala.

When I was at the butcher's shop, I met Harikala.

 

f. The sales agent was dealing with the customer. A thief stole the jewels.

i. While the sales agent was dealing with the customer, a thief stole the jewels.

ii. The sales agent was dealing with the customer when a thief stole the jewels.

 

g. My small brother was sleeping. I played chess with my father.

i. While my small brother was sleeping, I played chess with my father.

ii. My small brother was sleeping when I played chess with my father.

 

h. The old lady fell down. She was climbing up the stairs.

i. When the old lady fell down, she was climbing up the stairs.

ii. The old lady fell down while she was climbing up the stairs.

 

i. The leader was giving a speech loudly. He lost his voice.

i. While the leader was giving a speech loudly, he lost his voice.

ii. The leader was giving a speech loudly when he lost his voice.

j. Kanchan broke her backbone. She was lifting up the load.

i. Kanchan was lifting up the load when she broke her backbone.

ii. While Kanchan was lifting up the load, she broke her backbone.

 

B. Study the following sentences.

a. I know my father caused pain because he himself was in pain. (reason)

b. All of us share the core qualities of our human nature and so sometimes we are generous and sometimes selfish. (result)

c. My father has long since died, but if I could speak to him today, I would want to tell him that I had forgiven him. (contrast)

 

Now, fill in the blanks with one of the connectives from the box.

so, because, as, since, due to, owing to, because of

 

a. We didn't go for a morning walk today since it was raining.

b. I wanted to go home early as I was not feeling well.

c. My brother stayed at home because of/owing to his illness.

d. I was late in the class owing to traffic jams.

e. He didn't like dogs so he was not happy when his wife brought a puppy at home.

f. He was not included in the team owing to his knee injury.

g. As I was tired, I went to bed early.

h. He was very unhappy since he lost one million rupees in share market.

i. We cancelled our trip to Rara Lake owing to the bad weather.

j. These two lines intersect with each because they are are not parallel lines.